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DrangedSymphony
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Location: New York City, New York, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: Jrock, Manga, Anime, Drawing, Painting, Art, Piano, Classical, Malice Mizer, Moi dix Mois, Elegant Gothic Lolita/Aristocrat, Fiction, Fan Fiction, Yaoi :)
Expertise: Being a dumbass and a complete klutz.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  DerangedSymphony
Yahoo:  DementedThingie
Member Since:
5/27/2005
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| Lets see, well damn I haven't updated since may... thats a long long time ago. Its august now right? Going to be September soon as well. Wow how time flies, eh? I should make this a post worth while since I seriously do not update much, and because of that I hope you guys like this post damned well, lol.
Graduation was good, summer was good. Many hangouts that were fun including the all out Six Flags trip with some friends which was great and Sun-Burn tastic! Art show went well I think, I think i'll come back next to years to see stuff from my friends still at prep and all. I think I've finally gotten over Victor for the most part... still some issues there but not as bad, I'm alright with it. (Le gasp I actually said it... I can care less I finally grew up)
I also went to Otakon this year with two good friends + I made a few more. It wasn't the best thing ever but I had a good time. Depending on how things roll I might go with her to AX as well in cali coming up.
I went to see the Blood concert, at first i didn't really think much of them but their live was amazing, I love Blood now. Preparing for school. Honestly I haven't drawn very much which is disapointing, though my recent stuff is coming out well. I just hope I don't get stuck in another block again. I just got a Black 13" Macbook. I'm currently raping it with my Jrock :) Its doing pretty well and right now i'm in bed with it sneaking away on the internet. If anyone has been wondering where I've been all this time, I'm kinda addicted to this game called FFXI (ok not kinda, really addicted) But now since I have this nifty device I'll be online extremely often.
Every night I've taken to reading a story or a few more of this big Grimm's Tales complete collection, I've grown rather fond of them but yes some have lead to some very disturbing dreams. I've also read Demons and Angels a few months ago which I reccommend to all, its an extremely good read.
Well ... thats all I really have to say so far, sorry for the disapointment. I wish all my fellow graduate friends goodluck in their start of college. Its kind of scary and exciting and the same time for me. Yes I have my doubts but I'm looking foward to improving my skills through these classes I'm taking. I'll try to stay off the crack (ffxi) during schoolwork times :)
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| Well just wanted to make up for that stupid p ost a few months ago o.O
Been a while...
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mood |
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 overloaded |
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o_o
Oh Dear God
It just hit me how much work I have to do...
-Finish Inking for AP Art Studio
-Start and Finish Impressionist Scratchboard Project for Ap art studio
-Study for Art History AP Exam @_@
-Study for Ap Art History Impressionist -> Pop Art Test
-Finish Fashion Design outfits
+Do pocket stitches, do slits in sleeves for first outfit
+finish second outfit
-Do and Finish Flash Movie for Web Design and make it GOOD (possible ding for animation award at art show)
+get halfway by friday
-For other subjects I really don't give a shit i'm doing well in them anyway
-Fix up prom dress and get shoes to go with .... x.Xwtfx?
-After all that shit maybe start a cosplay for possible Anime Next and definite Otakon with the bestest korean girl eva ^_-
;________________________; help?
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| I despise
I loathe
I hate myself
for loving him still.
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| Walking into heavy traffic
Shooting any vital part of yourself with a gun
Cutting a vital vein in your body
Hanging yourself with a rope
Overdosing on drugs/medicine
Jumping off a Building/Bridge
Setting yourself on fire
Starving yourself
Over Drinking
Driving off a cliff
.... and other ideas?
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| Seen me down?
Seen me more sulky in the halls than usual?
Seen me staring into space more often?
Basically it all comes down to something right?
I'm being pathetic I'm being insecure I'm being a bitch to all around me.
No,
I'm not doing horribly at school.
Quite the
contrary I think I'm doing extremely well.
No,
I'm not sulking because I doubt that I can draw.
Actually I think I've been getting better.
Why is it that I am always so pissed?
Why is it that I seem to be in the most horrible mood ever?
Why is it that I'm so fucked up?
Why is it that I don't respond with the usual smile and wave, instead I
just nod my head or glare back if anyone even tries to communicate with
me besides my extremely close friends?
Sure there are moments where I'm in a seemingly good mood.
Sure at times I seem fine, hyper, happy.
God! Its all a mask, don't you see?
I smile, I jump, I laugh.. Its all a joke to me.
I smile, but I feel hollow, I jump but I feel dead, I laugh but I want to cry so bad.
I'm convinced that nothing will ever work out yet at the same time I
still have a small minuscule glimmer of hope. This is what breaks me,
this is what kills me slowly.
I seem to love to talk about it but its my poison at the same time. Say
it at the wrong time and I go off like a bomb, say it at the right time
and I give you a wide smile.
Why does life have to be so confusing?
Why does this have to be so difficult yet so easy at the same time?
Why are there so many questions left unanswered....
If you haven't figured out why oh why I'm like this then its of no concern to you.
If you've figured out the obvious answer, don't baby me... you know it only makes it worse.
Theres only one thing that can stop this, one thing which I hope so
dearly, one thing that seems never to come... one mere gesture, one
mere action would cure me of this insanity just for a small bit... but
for that little amount of time at least I'd feel as if I were in heaven.
In the end I just wanted to get this out in someway...in some sad hope
that it will make me feel at least just a tinge of relief.. Sorry for
anyone who doesn't like to read things like this on xanga's. Well tough
I can write whatever the fuck I want.
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